INEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

My past two articles have dealt with communication - its definition and what it is. This article looks at when communication is ineffective, and how to go about ensuring that the message sent is the message received. This article is an attempt to highlight many of the pitfalls clients may find themselves in during their daily communications. Hopefully it can help you to help them improve on some of their poor points. However, the article should be read in conjunction with the previous two.

Poor communication can be the result of any number of causes, some of which are discussed below:

1. Unclear Message

Instructions need to be clear. I think all of us have been in the situation where we have performed a task, only to find that we misunderstood the instructions and the job had to be redone. In any communication both parties are responsible - the sender of the message must ensure that the recipient received the message, and the recipient should make sure he understood the intended instruction. It takes time, but the sender needs to ask the other to repeat the message, to see if he grasped it. If he does not, the recipient could repeat the message, and ask if he has heard it correctly.

2. Message Overload

It is probably a good idea to write down a list of tasks, or at least to divide them up into some logical order, or half the message will most probably be forgotten. Association is a good way to help ensure that the message is heard. For example, "I would like you to contact Bob, Jill, Greg, Sue and Dave as I need them to come to the meeting on career planning on Tuesday; then if you could arrange for me to be booked on a flight as early as possible on Monday morning - for the Conference at Cabana Beach. I also need to discuss the budget with Mark, Steve, Ray and Alan, so would you please set up a meeting with them before year end." This is a lot of information to remember, but has been broken up into three categories, and made easier to remember because of the association attached to each task.

On the contrary, the shorter sentence "Please get hold of Bob, Jill, Greg, Sue, Dave, Mark, Steve, Ray, Alan and the travel agent for me" is more likely to result in someone being left out.

3. Bad Timing

If the message is not received, there was no point in sending it. So, choose your moment, and make sure you have undivided attention.

4. Jargon

This works well with people in the same environment, but can be extremely frustrating for a newcomer who has no idea what the jargon means. Be careful, and sensitive in your use of it.

5. Speed

Often, because we repeat certain phrases so often, we say them far too quickly for anyone to understand them. Most people I know tend to do this with their own names. For example, a friend of mine's little sister asked her how to spell her name. She was most upset when she saw that her brand new school suitcase now sported the letters "H-E-H-E-H-E-R", as her sister was trying to write "Heather" on it for her.

Always remain aware that the recipient is not as familiar with the information as you are. Therefore speak clearly and slowly. Should you forget to do so, and the person requests you to repeat yourself, give them the benefit of the doubt that you may not have enunciated yourself clearly. Too often we become irritated at the apparent stupidity of the recipient of our message, when in fact, we are the ones to blame.

6. Interruption

Many people interrupt others as an indication that they understand what is being said and are trying to convey their feeling of being "one with" the other. The trouble is, though, if one is talking, they usually do not like to be interrupted, and appreciate being allowed to complete their line of thought. Interruptions may even be interpreted as the listener attempting to prove his superior knowledge about the issue at hand. Be careful!

You as a counselor, can aid your clients in more effective communication by helping them to improve their empathic skills.

Empathy is being able to:

a) Climb inside another's world, in order to gain a feeling of what his world is like, and to look at the outer world through his perspective or frame of reference and, if possible to b) Communicate this understanding in a way that shows they have some understanding of their client's feelings and the experiences and behaviors to which these feelings relate.

Ways in which one can Improve empathy include:

a) Giving oneself time to think

Rather than jumping in, expecting to know exactly what it is the person you are communicating with is asking, give him a chance to elaborate his request fully

b) Empathy of tone and manner

Teach your client to communicate in a friendly manner, which comes across and polite and pleasant. Many people turn others off merely because their manner is abrupt or even disinterested.

c) Language

Empathy involves talking to someone in a language they can understand. It is unfair to fill your sentences with three-syllable words if speaking to a person who has only recently mastered the basics of the English language.

A FINAL NOTE TO END WITH

Each of us is different, and therefore each of us will have different good and bad points. The aim of the counselor is always to confirm the things his client does well, while correcting, gently those which need work. Try to never be a "know-it-all", or act as a teacher, littering your sessions with what the person needs to do to change.

None of us is all bad, but some of us believe we are. Counseling sessions are supposed to be fulfilling times, and the counselor should always concentrate on confirming those things his client does well, before loading him with all the reasons he needs to change.

Good luck, and let me know if you have comments or queries.