How Can I Homeschool If I Can't Even Keep My House Clean?

I was one of those teenagers whose mom kept the door to my room shut and feared to enter the place. True. I am a born slob. To my knowledge there is no 12-step program for the organizationally challenged. Although the Attention Deficit Disorder label seems to have a striking resemblance to this problem, I can't use it as an excuse since in my case it is more of a lack of training and result of laziness than a clinical “disorder” (No pun intended.)

And as you can imagine, life as a housework “phobic” with small children to care for, a household to manage, outside responsibilities, and a lovable neat-freak husband with whom I desire to maintain a joyous relationship has, at times, been overwhelming and, unfortunately, chaotic at times. With the decision to homeschool I have had to look realistically at my home management skills, personal discipline and ability to motivate my children in a positive manner. Obviously, if I couldn’t convince my son to make his bed, I pondered, how could I make him do math problems and learn to write a complete sentence? Certainly, I couldn’t use negative things like spanking or other punishment to bring about a harmonious compliance with my rule as benevolent Queen of the home.

Using my infant and toddler as an excuse, I felt pretty smug about being “too busy” to keep the house organized and clean on a daily basis until a dose of reality hit me in the face with the truth that this was not a valid excuse.

A few years ago we had a play date with a neighbor and mother of three children, the two youngest of which were about the same age as mine. She was obviously a naturally organized person, and a total enigma to me. It was a dose of reality to be in her home for over an hour at 9 a.m It was almost unnerving but gave me hope to see the order and cleanliness that reigned undisturbed in her home. My son noticed the difference, too. I was mortified to hear him say upon entering our den of disorder afterwards, “I like their house better.” Her house itself had the exact same floor plan as ours and was nearly identical.

I turned to a veteran homeschool mom at times for advice. She told me to teach my son to pick up his toys at night by setting a policy where any toys left on the floor at bedtime are thrown in the trash. She vacuumed each night, which was a foreign concept to me. This was a big step in the right direction and obviously meant I had to pick up and clean up at night, too, if I expected my 2-year-old son to start developing this habit.

About a year ago I was face to face with the reason I did not sometimes enjoy my job as a full-time mom and homemaker: I was not doing it well.

The process of taking charge of the home front in such a way as to feel comfortable in the place where I live and work all day almost every day has, I will admit, has been slow, but rewarding and energizing. Every small step has had its own reward.

I started looking at schedules of other homeschool families (most were in the book KONOS Compass by Jessica Hulcy)and discovered to my amazement that doing household chores first thing in the morning was a common practice among homeschoolers.

Ohhhh.

An idea I had never seriously considered before. Almost a – pardon the expression - revelation.

After another humbling experience, living with my mother-in-law for a month, I began to see me how regular, habitual attention to small details and simple concepts like doing laundry when you have the time to put it away as well helped me understand a little of what I was lacking.

I was lacking the habits necessary to keep a house neat and clean. I became determined to raise my standards and get organized.

So, I painstakingly studied schedules and worked out a weekly schedule focusing on the “school” aspect, blocking in times for each subject in preparation for the time when I would have two school age children. Scheduling helped me get focused on what I needed to do. At this point I planned to do basic chores during a block of time each morning and spend one day a week doing detailed cleaning chores.

But still I was overwhelmed and my husband, dear that he is, saw how overwhelmed I was at the whole task and pitched in to help with kitchen clean up and others chores each evening.

However, now, almost two years later, my husband does very little housework and I manage it just fine without his help or playing the martyr.

Here are my top ten tips for others with messy tendencies.

1. Put things away when you are finished with them. Never set anything down where it does not really belong. Get rid of stuff you don't use regularly.

2. Rise every day early and dress, put on shoes and get to work with household chores. Work toward a goal. Don’t expect your habits and house to be perfect right away. This is a process. But don’t leave the house until your morning chores, whatever you decide they need to be, are finished.

3. Get help. Many who are like me have no training in how to do housework. Two books have helped me a great deal: Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House by Cheryl Mendelson and Side-Tracked Home Executives: From Pigpen to Paradise by Pam Young and Peggy Jones. Home Comfortsis a wonderful guide to everything related to keeping your home. It is replete with diagrams, personal stories and history of homemaking tasks. It tells not only the why but the how of doing things from setting a routine, neatening up and cooking to proper disposal of waste and caring for household furnishings.

Side Tracked Home Executives was written by two sisters who got together to reform their slob ways and built a system of household organization based on 3 x 5 cards. This is a must read. They have a website and now sell a planner based on the original system. Check out their website, http://SHEsintouch.com. Another website on the same subject is http://www.organizedhome.com. You’ll find instructions and free forms to print for a household notebook to get you started.

4. Subscribe to FlyLady’s daily emails at http://www.yahoogroups.com/group/flylady... These email messages are a form of brainwashing inspired by the side tracked sisters philosophy. See her website at http://www.flylady.net. If you can stand the number of emails and direct approach they really work. Yesterday after reading Kelly’s Counter Rant email I cleared my kitchen counters of five small appliances.

5. Lead your family by example. My son begs to dust furniture but has to wait until his own chores are completed before I let him. Need I say more?

6. Build habits by establishing a morning and evening routine. See the FlyLady link above for her sample routine. Replace the television habit with reading before bedtime and doing daily pick up and prep for the next day as a family.

7. Think and be professional about your responsibilities as a homemaker, even if you work outside the home. This includes hiring someone else to do it, if that is within your means.

8. Open windows and let fresh air and sunshine it early in the morning. Cool fresh air and sunshine promote a cheery chore time and helps to me see what really needs to be cleaned and wakes everyone up.

9. Think through all your responsibilities and decide which ones are important. Make out a weekly schedule as a guide, but not a taskmaster. Take seriously the impression your home makes and the way an orderly, calm household quiets the spirit. Schedule fun with your family and time for yourself as well as time alone with your spouse into your weekly schedule.

10. Maintain a positive attitude and resist the temptation to play the martyr over doing housework. Once you see gradual improvement in the way your house looks and the difference it makes, you won’t want to go back to living in disorder.

So how is this former slob doing now? Well, here's just a sample of how life has changed in our home. Yesterday I began training my five-year-old son how to vacuum. He considers it an honor. Today after some play time and other fun, we straightened up the living room and dining room and vacuumed before lunch. And get this. My two-year-old fights with him over using the swiffer on our floors in the morning. Nirvana at last.