Single Parent Adoption: Advantages and Challenges

Families are changing, including an ever-increasing number of single parents by choice. Many of those single parents are choosing to create their families through adoption.

Every major change in life is based on many personal considerations. Adoptive parenting is no different. Am I ready? Do I have the financial resources? How will this alter my life? Am I comfortable with how my new life will feel?

Adoptive parenting by singles, however, adds additional considerations, some potentially positive, some possibly negative.

Challenges of single parent adoption

~ Some agencies (and countries, if you're adopting internationally) still won't work with singles.

~ No one to help with "instant breaks," those times when you just need to walk around the block or have 10 minutes to yourself.

~ No financial back-up if you should lose your job, or your company should close.

~ Only one parent to save for college educations.

~ The complication of any business travel you might do: arrangements for babysitters, notifying your child's teacher, and more.

~ Dealing with "the daddy (mommy) question." "Why don't I have a daddy?" "When am I going to get a mommy?"

~ You must cultivate a support network (babysitters, neighbors, friends, family) to help you in emergencies. It can be difficult to find the right people to provide what you need.

~ The perception that only children with two parents grow up to be responsible, productive citizens.

~ The potentially negative response from friends, family, and colleagues.

Advantages of single parent adoption

~ The pre-adoption process is easier including the homestudy, and related paperwork. The paperwork is very extensive for international adoption and with a single parent there's only one birth certificate, passport, proof of employment, etc.

~ Single parents have no disagreements over whether to even adopt or whether to accept a particular referral or not.

~ Depending on some children's backgrounds, it may be beneficial for them to have a parent of one gender or the other.

~ The child only has to learn the temperament and personality of one parent.

~ If your child has attachment issues or reactive attachment disorder, their bonding and attachment process is clearly focused on one parent, not split between two.

~ Disagreements between spouses as to parenting approaches are avoided.

~ Changes in parenting approaches can be implemented instantly without having to work toward consensus.

~ There's no chance for children to "play" one parent against the other.

~ Single parents can provide consistency in discipline.

~ Generally, children of single parents are often more helpful, competent, and responsible about helping around the house because everyone is required to pitch in to make the household run.

~ No question about who's in charge; you're it.

~ Being the sole recipient of your child's love, hugs, and kisses without having to share.

[Thank you to Leslie, Zara, Debbie, Karen, Sandy, and Jamie for your input into the article. Thanks very much!]

For more on single parent adoption, check Single Parent Adoption